One of my dearest favoritest blogs is Down and Out Chic. Christina has a darling Etsy shop that features, you guessed it, homemade.jewelry. I am a complete sucker for earrings and hairpins. I mean, seriously, I can wear a new pair almost every day for three weeks and not have to repeat. Lovely.
Through Down and Out Chic, I found the very fabulous blog, The Cottage Cheese, and she is doing a giveaway of Christina’s things.
My favorite pieces are all of the mum earrings and some of the hairpins. A few of my favorite selections below:
QoB receives these motivational essays at her work, from Dr. Alan Zimmerman, affectionally nicknamed Dr. Z by Madre. I generally don’t have much use for things like this, but QoB sends me the ones that seem to be really applicable to my life, almost like he is speaking to me. She sent me this week’s Tuesday Tip, and it particularly resonated with me:
In tough times, your financial health takes a beating. But so does your emotional health … if you’re not careful. Well, I’ve got some good news for you. You don’t have to be miserable and depressed. You don’t have to gripe and groan. And you don’t have to live “under your circumstances.” You can be victorious … no matter what your circumstances … if you do three things.
1. DECIDE to have a good day.
2. ACT like it’s a good day.
3. PLAN a good day.
I totally fall into the trap of not doing this, even when thinking that I likely could make it a practice in my everyday life. Sometimes I spend a lot of time caught up with the little things in my environment that I control to be just.so and think that should equate happiness.
The distinct problem with this train of thought, way of being, is that I generally end up disappointed because one thing or another didn’t work out. Dr. Love and I had a fairly deep discussion last night about my feelings of aimlessness, my lack of meaningful (to me) goals, my lack of real passion for anything.
We concluded that my current purpose in life is to survive, and, frankly, it has been for some time. I have used this over and over again, just trying to make it through the day with a steady, non-reactive mood, only to find myself coming up short at the end of the day. Yes, I am surviving, and having “survived” now for some time, it seems to be time to kick my life into gear and start living.
Of course, this isn’t a new issue. It’s something I have pondered throughout the last ten years or so, generally whenever I’m feeling pretty good about how things are going. Kind of like, “Ok, I’m surviving all right. Now time to make my life even better and put.myself.out.there.”
Ok, double, quadruple scary for me. I have serious trust issues, a somewhat antisocial personality, and, if you listen to QoB, I’m an angry person in my interactions with the world. As I told QoB, just because I hate everyone does not mean I am an angry person. Things that make ya go “hmmm.”
A lot of times I will watch myself and my behavior and marvel at how far I have come. Of course, there are a lot of times where I’m thinking
Damn.
Stuck in the same old rut again.
I think I have done rather well in the last year to open myself up to new people and possibilities. I get along rather well with people at work, even if I am constantly evolving and changing in order to not come across as weak or overly emotional. As Dr. Love (and even a few of my inmates) say, I put up a tough front, but I actually have the potential to be nice and friendly, when I want to be.
Here’s to “acting as if” I’m happy, seeing if it will stick around, making some new goals, and striving for purpose.
Here, here.
This song makes me think of camping, even though we never sing it because I don’t really know the words.
When I saw my new pdoc last month, I was having some problems with a mixed episode. She prescribed more Geodon and gave me Trazadone for sleep. The Trazadone didn’t do anything for me, but the Geodon seemed to bring me out of my funk.
I started to feel better and better. Then I started to feel giddy and silly. And I started spending too much money, blabbing on and on about nothing, pressured speech, flight of ideas, racing thoughts, dramatically decreased need for sleep. And became very obsessed with cleaning, doing laundry, keeping the kitchen clean. I mean, cleaning and working on things in the morning from the time I am waking up (around 3:00 a.m.) until I go to work (I leave the house at 8:15 a.m.).
At first, it was great. I thought, “Oh finally, I feel good and am getting some stuff accomplished.” Things have been super-slammed at work, spending all my time working on one case when I have tons of other people to work on as well, including four people from the mental health pod leaving next month, the pod that I am supposed to concentrate on. So I’ve been running around with a chicken like my head cut off at work, but really seem to be getting things done. I’ve worked a lot of nine or ten hour days, leaving me totally screwed by the end of the week, as we are not allowed to have overtime. It’s just been really busy and I am handling it really well, I think, and my supervisors are very pleased.
Yesterday, however, I hit a brick wall. Actually, it may have started the day before. Racing thoughts became faster, intrusive, all over the place. I had a hard time focusing and getting things finished, leaving a bunch of unfinished business in my wake. I started running out of things to work on at home, leaving me to sit and watch my head spin ’round and ’round in the wee hours of the morning, not tired at all, completely feeling rested and like I need to DO something. My body feels itchy and crawly and jumpy. I may or may not be hearing things that aren’t there and seeing little shadows out of the corner of my eye. My mind is driving me crazy and it just won’t.shut.up.
Then it dawned on me. Hello mania, goodbye mixed episode! Sure I’ll see you around, keep in touch!
For the most part, I’m still feeling really good, really hyped up and euphoric. My sense of self is probably blown out of proportion — feeling like I can take on anything, do anything, that I’m the best, the smartest, the most beautiful. All of those negative feelings about myself are gone gone gone and I don’t even recognize the person I was a month ago.
Because it.never.happened, ok? I will always be happy, always have high self-esteem, always have enough energy to do it all, with an extra six hours in my day that I’m not WASTING sleeping.
Wow, I was getting in such a good routine of blogging in the mornings, and now it’s been almost a week! What the quack??? to borrow a much-loved new expression from QoB. 😀
I think the reason for the lack of blogging is that the only real down-time I have is in the mornings, and I am really enjoying drinking my coffee, smoking, and listening to the iPod on the back porch, looking out into my beautiful yard. That, and I have been working at being super-productive in the mornings, so that I can come home in the evenings and just chill, spend good quality time with Dr. Love, and get to bed at a decent time so that I can get up in the a.m. and do it all over again. I’ve managed to get about two weeks of laundry totally done, have cleaned the kitchen every a.m. for about the last ten days (Dr. Love needed a break, I thought, and I was feeling guilty that I was pitching in on that project so infrequently), and have been picking up the house and keeping it nice and clean.
I love that feeling when everything in the house and on the chore-list is “just-so.” No, not any control issues here or OCD issues here. 😀
I think we are headed out to the lake again this weekend. The weather is supposed to be nice, except for some rain overnight on Saturday. As QoB says, though, that’s all part of camping! Dr. Love and I are really starting to get the hang of this whole camping thing and we’re LOVING it. It’s so nice and relaxing to just get away, from the responsibilities at the house, from work, from the computer and the phone and just spend quality time together.
QoB and Big Dog took their camper out to the lake last night, so I am sure we will be seeing them this weekend. That will be nice for us and for them, because we don’t get to spend tons of quality time together, with them being so busy with the shops and, really, with Dr. Love and I being so busy just doing our thing. Big Dog and QoB definitely need a break at this point…the busy seasons are ending and they’ve both been working seven days a week, just non-stop craziness.
I think it’s kind of weird how everybody (including myself, sometimes) feels bad for the Big Dog because he has to work so much, but QoB is really working her ass off, too. Granted, she is only working four 8’s a week at her regular job, but she’s putting in hours at the shops almost every evening, whether it is at home doing books/inventory/purchasing/research or at the shop slinging bait, plus she works all weekend from either the house or the shop. All I have to say is, Madre, you’re amazing and a true inspiration for who I want to be. MTLI.
So, last weekend Dr. Love and I worked at the shop on Saturday and Sunday, trying to help get stuff done. We planted a crap-ton of plants for propogation (sp?) for the spring season and put most of them in the correct spots. I do think Young21, their part-time garden store employee, has a lot of organizing and heavy lifting to do when he recovers from being ill, however. At least we made some headway, though. Then on Sunday, QoB and I forced (and I do mean forced) Big Dog to take off at 1:00 and go do something fun. We ran the shops without a hitch, absolutely no problems. I love it when a plan comes together. Now Dr. Love, Big Dog, and I just need to find a way to give QoB a day off. And by day off, I mean that she would likely spend it working on stuff at the house, because she just can’t.sit.still. 😀
I was thinking of the movie, Beaches — and I really don’t understand why it has such a low rating, because that’s one of the greatest.movies.of.all.time — for some reason this morning and really wanted to hear some Bette Midler.
Without further adieu, I give you, one of my favorite celebs, Bette (and I couldn’t decide on just one song, and would love to hear if you have a favorite). 😀
Bette Midler, From a Distance
Bette Midler, The Rose
Bette Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings — and you know, people make fun of this song all the time, but I quackin’ love it, so there. 🙂
Just when I thought I was going to catch a break, a moment.of.rest at work, all hell breaks loose…again…and the race is on…again. I really did think I had this case I am working on all summed up, but I think it’s that attitude that jinxed me, and now I’m starting over from square one. Nothing I did, not my fault, but still…argh! Let’s just say that, when you step out for 30 minutes to chainsmoke get some fresh air and clear your head, and they STILL call you on your cell phone, and have security trying to track you down, there are issues.
But that’s ok, because I only have today, and then there’s the weekend. The beauty of working at the prison is that, after the day is done, there’s not a lot to fret about because, let’s face it, they’re still locked up and it really becomes not-my-problem.
Dr. Love worked on the rock patio last night. It’s not completely done, but it will need to be before tonight, save from putting in the polymer sand. That’s per the Big Dog, who let me know in no uncertain terms that we were going to have hard rains this weekend and all of that work would be for naught if the few stones left did not get laid and sand put between the cracks. I’m tempted to wake Dr. Love up to inform him of such, but I think I’ll just call him constantly starting at 9:00 a.m. until he wakes up, answers the phone, and gets to hear all about it.
Kizzer Wizzer finally had her bath last night. I really don’t know how she gets so dirty, other than perhaps rolling in dirt/mud/sand/grass all of the time and jumping in QoB and Big Dog’s pond anytime she gets the chance. She is looking much better and seems to be less itchy. Giving her a bath used to be a huge T/D for me, but now Dr. Love helps and she is very calm. I think it’s because he watches the Dog Whisperer all the time, really do. She has turned from an all-the-time rebellious dog into a dog that is somewhat manageable, as long as Dr. Love is around. Really, she even acts better with me, but she’ll do anything (almost anything) for him.
We don’t have any big weekend plans and I would like to keep it that way. My dad wants me to go by and feed his cat because they will be out of town on Friday and Saturday. My thinking — it’s a friggin’ cat…put down some extra food and move on! I still need to call him back and let him know my thought-process on that, however, and hopefully he doesn’t learn of my feelings by reading this during the morning hours today. Hi, Dad! 🙂
Other than doing some family visiting, namely drinking mojitos and daquiris in the backyard at QoB’s, I plan to not do much this weekend other than rest. The past few weeks at work have been really stressful and draining, and we have also stayed really busy on the weeknights. I think it’s time to take a hint from my dear buddy buddy from high school, Adriana @ From KS to PA (a lady who sometimes does not take her own advice) 😉 and sit on my butt a little bit.
I hit a brick wall last night. Not literally, but the T/D of the last few weeks at work, plus not sleeping well, had me beat. I don’t usually come home and drop dead, but last night I came home and almost immediately fell asleep. My plan was to just lie down for a minute and close my eyes — staring at a computer screen all day, something I’ve never had to do in a job before but now do to the nth degree, really kills my baby blues. So, I ended up falling asleep. Surprisingly, I did get a bit of sleep last night as well, so I’m feeling fairly refreshed. Could be that pot of coffee that created that, however.
Last night Dr. Love went (without me, as I was really snoozing) to Home Depot and bought sand. Sand, oh glorious sand, for the rock patio, so it can be finished off. We plan on laying the rest of it tonight. The next step is to buy oh-so-expensive polymer sand that goes between the cracks, then is wetted and dries into a kind of hardened cement. He also picked up the stand for my fire pit from QoB…just one step closer to starting fires and drinking margaritas right in my own backyard!
As follow-up to yesterday’s blog, Kizzer Wizzer is feeling better, I think. She is not itching and scratching and biting so much, but she still is to a greater degree than I would like. It’s been 48 hours now since I put flea/tick stuff on her, so she will be getting a bath tonight, like it or not. I am just crossing my fingers that I still have some doggy shampoo and that Dr. Love will be up to helping with that task after laying the patio.
I have really been slacking, as I’d mentioned before, about reading and commenting on blogs that I follow lately. I’ve been doing all of my blogging in the morning, and then don’t have time to read any. Then, when I get home from work, I don’t want to sit and stare at a computer, not to mention the fact that most days I’m kind of brain-dead at the end of the day and would much rather be outside on the porch, running around town, or visiting at QoB’s. I need to figure out a way to get it into my schedule, though, because I miss keeping up on how everyone is doing!
About a year ago, Big Dog recommended a movie, Broken Bridges, for me to watch, which is oh-so-rare, because it is usually the other way around. I don’t know if it was made for TV, but it has been running a lot lately on CMT and, since we have a DVR, I finally found an airing to record. It’s sitting on my DVR list, just waiting for me to watch it. I’m hoping I’ll get around to it this weekend. QoB burned me the soundtrack right after Big Dog had watched it last year, and it’s amazing.
I find this song particularly inspiring and totally “me.” LOVE IT!
Broken, Lindsey Haun from the movie Broken Bridges
Had an awesome Labor Day weekend. So awesome, in fact, that I didn’t have one spare second to blog, because I was just so involved in the gloriousness of it all. We visited all parents, went to a shrimp fry, and hosted a BBQ, where I made the most amazing BBQ’d chicken and, with the help of QoB and Big Dog, nearly finished the rock patio. Absolute gloriousness. 🙂
Things have really been clicking along for me at work. I’ve been working non-stop on a really difficult case and, after about one week with working on nothing else, running around like a crazy woman, phone and email blowing up all day long, I have it all wrapped up in a pretty package. The powers-that-be are super-happy with that, going up as far as Regional and DOC higher-ups. That’s right, I’m the bomb. Bonus — I still love my job!
In other news, Kizzer is recovering from some very severe insect bites and a huge batch of stickers (from camping) stuck to a very sensitive spot. She has been itching like CRAZY the last few days and I just could not figure out what was wrong. I put flea/tick stuff on her yesterday morning, and when I came home, it seemed like she had gotten progressively worse. There was nothing I could do to ease her pain, short of giving her some good luvin’ scratches where it seemed to itch. To make matters worse, she has very sensitive skin, so any little thing really makes her have problems. So I was lying in bed and Kizzer was making all sorts of horrible noises, biting herself and whatnot. I flipped her on her back to take a look at her belly…and found a huge mat of stickers right on her hoo-hoo. Poor doggy!! The whole area had been licked/bitten raw, to the point it was bloody. I felt like such a neglectful parent, but I called Dr. Love into the room and he removed them and I rubbed some hydrocortisone cream on her.
I really think, as well as staying current with flea/tick and being more mindful of if she has stickers or not, I need to switch dog foods. I really don’t think her skin is as healthy as it could be. Right now I feed Science Diet Sensitive Skin and QoB, a long-time Science Diet user, has recently switched. I don’t remember what to, but my sister has also switched. Apparently Science Diet is not the bomb that it was made out to be — that, and it’s hella expensive. I still have a bunch of Science Diet left, but I’m thinking that maybe I should start weaning her off of it and put her on something else, since she is having such problems. I don’t want to go through any more guilt and trauma brought on by my doggie’s itchy skin. And I’m sure she doesn’t either.
Quick shout-out to my momma, QoB, aka QueenOfDaNile — check out her new gravatar…I’m way jealous! It’s about time I updated mine, so I’m thinking of possibilities to sum myself up. Suggestions are welcome. 🙂
Feels like forever since I’ve had a three-day weekend, although pretty sure my last one was about two months ago for the 4th of July. I haven’t taken any vacation time yet, other than to attend funerals and go to doctor’s appointments, which is definitely not a good use of vacation time, if you ask me. Part of me wishes I would have taken Tuesday off, as well as having Labor Day off, but I have some time-sensitive issues going on at work right now, and it’s all going down on Wednesday, which means that Tuesday will be absolute hell, and I don’t think my boss would have given it off to me even if I’d asked.
Looking back, this has been a rather glorious past week. We went camping last weekend, out to dinner on Monday for Dad’s birthday, over to QoB’s last night for dinner, and this weekend we’re going to Dr. Love’s hometown until Sunday. On Sunday, we’ll come back to our little town and have a shrimp fry at QoB’s on Sunday, then a home improvement project on Monday with QoB and Big Dog, getting our rock patio finished.
I cannot WAIT for the patio to be done so Dr. Love and I can sit out there in the cooler fall evenings with the fire pit blazing, sitting on our oh-so-comfortable lawn furniture! I will do my best to get before and after pics…I’m getting giddy just thinking about it. Nothing better than a little camp-fire on a glorious fall evening. We may even break out marshmallows. Actually knowing Dr. Love, we WILL be breaking out the marshmallows, OFTEN.
I have not been visiting and commenting on blogs as well as I had been there for awhile. I’m not sure what the deal is, but it seems like we have been so busy lately! Just a couple of weeks ago I was bemoaning the lack of activity in my life, but when I stop and think about it, Dr. Love and I stay pretty busy, between working, keeping up with the house, and visiting family.
So, Dr. Love and I will be hosting our little home reno project on Monday, and I’m thinking about what I want to have for snacks, drinks, dinner. I have some ideas about food, have still not decided what to put on the grill, but one thing for sure — we need some great cocktails! My mom will likely drink beer, but Big Dog loves a little vodka tonic and I think he would also really like a frozen mojito. When Dr. Love’s parents came into town, my mom found these little pre-mixed pouches of mojitos, margaritas, daquiries (sp?), etc that you just throw in the freezer and they come out in big serving sized drinks. I’m thinking it’s time to hit the liquor store for some of those!
Another band I would totally go see again if they come close to home again. Rock on Mr. Petty, rock on!
Dr. Love and I have just returned from another absolutely glorious weekend at the lake. We’re really becoming quite the campers. We were much more organized this time, which made getting out there much less stressful. That, and I was able to get off work earlier than expected on Friday. The beauty of flexing out overtime — I suppose it does have some benefits, however few they may be.
The house is still wonderfully clean, spotless really. It’s so nice to come home to a clean house. Usually we would return from a camping trip and face a bunch of dishes, laundry, chaos. This time we came home, threw the laundry down the stairs to the basement, and went off in search of the perfect weed eater. And now, Dr. Love is infatuated with it and I am crossing my fingers that this means we will have an immaculate lawn from now on. A girl can dream, right?
My dad’s birthday is on Tuesday. My sister and I are taking him out to dinner tonight and I am giving him my favorite Bob Dylan CD, Tell Tale Signs: Bootleg Series 8. It was done around the album Time Out of Mind, which is my second favorite Bob Dylan CD. Oh, and let’s not forget his latest — Together Through Life. I’m really a Bob Dylan freak, and if he ever has another concert remotely close to home, I’m totally going.
Bob Dylan, Red River Shore from Tell Tale Signs: Bootleg Series 8
Scotch Taped Princess 